Choosing the right school

When kids finish their preschooling, it’s time for parents to feel anxious and tense about getting admission into the mainstream school. There are many schools around with a variety of features. To zero down upon a couple of schools is the first big task, and then to get admission to the desired one is the second monumental task. Sometimes, parents don’t think much and go for schools to which the majority of kids from society go. Sometimes the decision is based more on the status symbol syndrome. But selecting a school on the basis of outside influence is perhaps not a very idea.

To decide upon a school, you need to be sure what kind of school you want for your child. And the latter depends on your choices, needs, preferences, circumstances, etc. Here are some points that go into school hunting:

• Budget: perhaps the most important factor. One needs to decide the maximum amount that can be shelled out on school education. It’s not only about managing school fees, it’s also about matching up with the general environment of the school. Even if a middle-class parent can afford the fees by stretching the budget a little bit, it may get difficult to maintain the same lifestyle as of rest of the kids who probably belong to very affluent families. In such a school, the lesser fortunate child is bound to feel inferior and it may affect his overall personality in the future, along with his education.
• Teaching methodology: this involves looking at whether the school’s focus is on Montessori, traditional, practical, theoretical, or mass/individual teaching methodologies. Some kids learn better when given space and freedom. For such kids, the Montessori environment does wonder. Some kids need that extra pressure in order to perform. They learn better in a traditional environment.
• Student-teacher ratio: this details how many kids are there under one teacher. This ratio also affects the overall learning process. In today’s urban culture where kids are quite used to personal attention, a high teacher-student ratio may make the child feel lost in the crowd. So if a child’s weak point lies in his inability to interact with the teacher if there are too many children around, then a high ratio will affect his learning immensely. Teaching methodology depends hugely on this ratio.
• Distance from home: that’s a simple point and may not need to be mentioned. There is no point in choosing a school in the south end when you live in the north end of the city no matter how good the school is. In big cities not only is the distance a big factor, but also the traffic. Sometimes during rush hour, it may take the school bus 1 hour to cover 5 kms. Long commuting hours are detrimental to small kids, both academically and developmentally.
• Board: people have their own preferences when it comes to the school board. It’s best to check and compare the current syllabus on the board website and decide according to your child's abilities. For example, many parents feel that the Indian boards put too much academic pressure on kids who are not very academically oriented, and thus prefer an International board for such kids.
• Extracurricular activities: some schools encourage their students to participate in lots of extracurricular activities, whereas some focus mainly on studies (read classwork-homework). Extracurricular activities are important for general and overall development and thus it is important to go for a school that visions beyond classroom learning.
• Load of homework: this looks like a small issue in the beginning but it shapes the entire education of the child. When the school hands out tons of pages of homework every day, a child hardly gets time to finish it, let alone do something on his own for his self-studies. Over a period of time, he starts believing that education means finishing homework and passing exams. this is very detrimental to his overall view on the education system (remember the movies, Taare Zameen Par and 3 idiots)
• Resources: some schools have a good support system for kids who are having learning disabilities or difficulties, or emotional/ behavioral problems, while some schools don’t believe in taking kids with any difficulties, let alone handling them. it may not seem to be a relevant point in the beginning, but in case of a problem, it’s best to have a support system at school

These are some of the points that go into deciding on a school for the child. It’s almost impossible to find a school that has all the good features. Each school has a set of features that match our needs and on the rest of the points, we may have to compromise. Care should be taken not to compromise on issues that are most important and relevant to you and your child.

Fingersucking

Fingersucking is very commonly seen in most of the preschoolers. In many kids it is limited to thumb, but other 4 fingers, especially index finger and middle finger are also seen going very often in the mouths.

When infants put their fingers in their mouth, it doesn’t cause anxiety in parents’ minds. But when toddlers and preschoolers do the same, it causes a lot of anxiety and embarrassment in parents. Most of the times children are told not to do so and when children continue to mouth their fingers, it compounds parents’ concerns. Perhaps, if as parents we realize that no mouthing is without any reason, we would be able to look at the reasons before trying to stop the behaviour.

Fingersucking means different things for a foetus, infant and toddler. Many babies are seen putting their fingers in their mouth when they inside the womb. They do it for sheer pleasure. Infants do it to satiate their sucking instincts. That’s why infants who are breastfed less are more prone to sucking their finger. Developmentally, by the time babies start taking solid food, their sucking needs fade and they neither crave for breasts, nor bottles nor fingers. So when a toddler is mouthing his fingers, it’s definitely not developmental and needs to be looked into.

Reasons behind fingersucking during toddlerhood and beyond:

1. Gum pain: some children teethe a little late and might experience a lot of gum pain when new teeth come during toddlerhood, as by then gums are not as soft as they used to be during babyhood. Such children like to press their gums with their fingers to relieve the pain. Since they are not very verbal at this stage, they can’t express the gum -pain and parents mistake mouthing with behavioural issue.

2. Comfort: sucking for milk provided comfort to the tummy and now sucking at anything provides comfort to the psyche. Many children tend to believe in this and put their fingers into their mouth to express their frustrations, hunger, anxiety, anger, and boredom. The act of sucking is sort of self -soothing for them.
3. Regression: in many cases a toddler starts sucking his fingers upon the arrival of his new sibling. This is his way of getting the attention of his mother who seems to be spending a lot of her time with the new baby. The child feels that by acting like an infant again, his mother will love her more as she seems to be loving another infant lately. Children regress to lower levels when growing up looks threatening or when previous stages of development look more attractive and beneficial.

After effects of too much fingersucking:
1. Thickening of the skin of the preferred digit.
2. Skin and nail infections.
3. Stomach infections.
4. Protrusion of front teeth.

Wrong methods to stop the child :

1. putting neem paste on fingers

2. putting band-aids on fingers

3. punishing the child

4. shaming the child

Consult a psychotherapist if you are not sure how to help the child yourself.

(disclaimer: this article was first published for Little Elly- the concept preschool. you can find the article at http://www.littleelly.com/ask-an-expert/common-problem/)

Bedwetting

Bedwetting is a very tricky problem. Sometimes kids as young as 1 year old stop wetting their beds. But sometimes they continue to do so even at the age of 5 -6. It’s very difficult to decide when to seek a professional help or guidance.

 Many kids wet their beds involuntarily and is not a cause for concern when done occasionally. But if bedwetting happens frequently beyond 5 -6 years, then it could be a sign of some problem. Some of the main causative factors behind bedwetting are:

1. Under developed bladder control: in some kids, the bladder control is not age appropriately developed. Sometimes they even fail to feel the sensation of bladder being full. They only feel the urge when the pressure is too hig h to control for another second. In this situation, even daytime toileting accidents are very common.

2. High liquid intake just before bed time: many children drink warm milk just before they sleep. While warm milk induces sound sleep, it may also cause the bladder to get full in the middle of the night. While adults can get up from sleep when the urge to use the toilet is there, most kids cannot get up from sleep to indicate the same.

3. Cold weather: bedwetting problem increases during monsoons and winters. Many children kick away their blankets and then wet their beds due to the cold.

4. Stress: loss of someone dear, being bullied at school, some underlying phobia, threat of some impending doom or experience of a bad accident are some of the situations that can a dd a lot of stress to a child’s life. Since children are not very receptive about their inner emotions and even less expressive about them, it gets difficult to know and find out what’s haunting them. These anxieties lead to nightmares, du tot which the mi nd’s control over bladder shifts to mind’s need to control the anxiety.

5. Too early training: when children are trained too early, they learn that they need to depend more on their own ability to manage toileting and less on their parents. Such children do not like to use the toilet when asked by parents, because they feel they can manage. However, ability can develop with time only and this causes a lot of misjudgement about the urge. Too early training often leads to too late mastery in the case of bladder control.

6. Too sound sleep: some kids sleep like a log. They just cannot get up from their sleep no matter what. So if the blanket is not there and they are feeling cold, they fail to get up from sleep and get into blanket again. Such kids face bedwetting more.

7. Chronic constipation: the unpassed hard stools in the rectum do not let the bladder to expand in response to increase of urine level in it. As a result the bladder squeezes when urine volume goes up and the urine come out.

Check out for the probable reasons to cure the problem yourself. if everything fails, consult a doctor.

(disclaimer: this article was first published for Little Elly- the concept preschool. you may read the article at http://www.littleelly.com/ask-an-expert/common-problem/)